01 Sep FATHERHOOD ON TV: WHERE ARE ALL THE DILFS?
About two years ago Bravo Network called me in to see if I would be interested in being on a TV show called Pregnant in Heels. Naturally, I was confused as hell when I first heard the question and assumed they had made a mistake—why would they want a men’s grooming expert on a program with the words “Pregnant” and “Heels” right in the title?
A mistake it was not, and I agreed to go in and meet with them to learn more. But as I sat down to watch a few episodes of the show, I immediately realized something: the entirety of the show was about the mom and her life. The woman gets pregnant. She has to change her clothing temporarily. There are special workouts designed for her to do during and after her childbirth. Then the baby arrives—the woman tries to lose weight, then she becomes “Sexy Mom” and the circle of the mother’s life continues.
They definitely had the “mom” thing down to a science, but I of course was looking at this from a man’s point of view. I asked the casting producer at Bravo, “What’s up with the dads? They don’t say two words, and they just sit there throughout the show looking like deer in headlights.”
“That’s where you come in,” she replied. “What do you think?” I asked what she meant. “What would you do to help these dads?”
Well, with me being the advocate for us men, I had a lot to say and I started with the following:
- As usual, the man is forgotten about; in every scenario, all I saw was a quiet dude in the background or on the couch next to his wife. Why can’t we give the dad a voice and a personality?
- Why does the father have to be dressed in a stupid sweatshirt or some lame sweater logoed with the word “Dad”? Why can’t he be portrayed as fashionable? Can’t he wear something trendy or at least more interesting?
- Why does the dad have to be fat and have a beer belly so big he can’t see his toes? In fact, why can’t we have an entire show about dads who have kids and work to get in shape so that he can be the DILF that all moms and chicks are attracted to?
- Why not capture fathers in a real light? For example, when a dad is pushing his baby in a stroller, that’s not all he’s doing—I have plenty of friends who are dads who check out women’s butts as they stroll on by. It’s funny, it’s real, and it would give the men feelings and dimension instead of just being the backseat parent with zero personality. (This idea did not go over well.)
- Why can’t we talk about dads getting more sex from the moms, with the couples trying different techniques to make the dads happy? Any discussion about sex is about what the woman wants or what she’s not getting.
Just because someone becomes a dad, doesn’t mean he’s out and someone to be tossed to the side; in fact, fatherhood is where life begins and gets good. So, why does society always paint Dad as a douche or a total square with nothing to say? You’re telling me the mom has no problem having a child and always giving the dad sex, but then the father is just some overweight dud with no sex drive who goes along with everything his wife says while eating Cheese Doodles in his barker lounger? C’mon, it’s never that black and white, and I can’t stand that that’s how media portrays men—I wanted to see the dudes portrayed as real, well-rounded individuals instead of “foil” characters there to make their wives look better by comparison. If Dad is going to provide comic relief on the show, why can’t he do so with witty one-liners or hilarious ideas instead of with a protruding stomach or an ugly ass sweater?
Needless to say, the producers at Bravo didn’t really agree with my idea, but quite frankly, I didn’t really agree with the show. As the casting director and I bid each other farewell, she said, “Why don’t we wait to meet again when it’s time for you to have your own show? You seem like you really want to help out your fellow man.”