16 Aug FIVE TYPES OF WOMEN YOU’LL DATE
Dating today is way different than when your parents did it. In 2015 these are some of the ladies you’ll run into, recognize any?
1. The Social Media Butterfly
Her phone is glued to her hand 85% of her waking hours and she’s constantly plugged in. Odds are, she’s too busy capturing the moment than actually enjoying it. She’s got perpetual FOMO (fear of missing out) and a need for approval on every selfie. By the way, did you forget to like her latest Insta? You asshole.
2. The Power Bitch
If there’s a hot new workout trend, you can bet she’s into it. She thinks it’s fun to wake up at 5 AM and jog to Boot Camp. She definitely sips the SoulCycle kool-aid and won’t stop talking about how she rode next to Jake Gyllenhaal in class last week. Bikram yoga is the closest thing to enlightenment and she’s training for a triathlon in the summer. She doesn’t want to be rude but she’s noticed you’ve gotten a little soft in the middle. Better tighten up…
3. The Green Goddess
Good luck going out to dinner with this one. That is, if she’s in between juice cleanses. Now she’s gone completely vegan again and her face is disgusted when she hears you talk about how you love Korean BBQ. Gluten? Forget about it. You might as well just dig yourself a hole and sit in it. At least you’ll be closer to the earth. She doesn’t forget to tell you that you’re complexion is looking a little dull. You should really consider detoxing.
4. The Get Shit Done Queen
Walk more than 3 blocks? Uber! You’re hungry? She’s making a reservation on Open Table. Or maybe you can stay in and order from Seamless? You can watch House of Cards on Netflix while you wait for the Thai to arrive. Or maybe there’s something better on Apple TV. And her apartment looks like the back room of the post-office, why wouldn’t you buy everything on Amazon? By the way, what’s your HBO GO password? Her friend needs to watch Girls, stat.
5. The Tab Keeper
Today she has more tools than ever to keep tabs on you. She follows your every move through social media, tracking where you last checked in and who you hung out with after work. She’s texting you right now wondering who Courtney is and why you just added her on Facebook. You are constantly changing your password on everything just to make sure she hasn’t snooped yet this week. You’ve got nothing to hide, but yourself, from her.