01 Sep GETTING BACK TO SEX AFTER A BABY
The nights are long and full of disruptions. If your partner gave birth, their body is likely recovering physically while their hormones are still at new levels, and you’re both struggling to adjust to your new definition of “normal.” Even if sex is on your minds, getting back in the saddle may seem impossible. Start with these tips for returning to a happy sex life.
1. Flirt without obligation
Flirting becomes upsetting to a partner when it is a signal of expectations or impending pressure, instead of a way of communicating your unconditional adoration and attraction. Being pushy or pouting will backfire. If your partner does consent because you’ve worn them down, that’s a form of sexual coercion. Coercion is not only rape-y, it’s a death blow to a happy, healthy, trusting relationship.
2. Broaden your definition of “sex.”
It sounds simple, but the results are pure magic: stop defining sex as just intercourse, and stop thinking of intercourse as the preferred sexual activity. When you broaden your definition of sex to include a wide range of arousing, pleasurable activities, it takes the pressure off and opens a world of possibilities to explore and enjoy.
3. Step up your daddy game
Don’t just be a helper; dig in and be a co-parent. More equal relationships have higher rates of satisfaction, both emotional and sexual. As a bonus, your children will learn through observation that they should respect both of you equally, and to expect that their own future will also involve respectful co-parenting.
4. Consider the needs behind your desires
If sex is not on the table (or the bed) no matter how broadly you define it, or your drive is higher than theirs, try to co-create nonsexual opportunities to build that bond. Talk about ways you can include regular masturbation in your relationship without guilt or obligation. You probably still want sex, but this respectful approach will get you some intimacy and relief while staying respectful. And that means you’re laying the groundwork for a situation in which your partner is more likely to want to become intimate again in the future.